What is Your Purpose?
We had the joy of seeing my husband's younger brother and his childhood love get married in December. The bride's father made an interesting comment while watching our then ten-month old cruise around the hotel.
He said, "After kids everything changes."
He was right, and the statement holds a different depth when I think of it through the lens of a separate topic today - purpose.
If I had been asked what my purpose was before my son was born, I think I would have said something about being a productive member of society. You know – paying my taxes, making a difference with the ninth and tenth graders that I taught each day, and recycling.
Today, when I read Melissa Kruger's devotionals in "Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood," the idea of my life's purpose is different. My sister-in-law's father was not joking. That comment was not a flippant comment about changing diapers and toting toys across state lines. It was a simple moment of clarity where he could share the fact that children change their parents' lives.
Becoming a mother has changed how I view my purpose in society.
I used to be responsible for myself, and that in and of itself was hard at times. My girlfriends and I joke about 'adulting,' but being a productive adult is no joke. Now I am responsible for myself AND a small, albeit very determined little boy who is already pushing boundaries and exploring a very big world. I almost had a heart attack a couple of days ago as the extremely mobile 13-month old ran across the cover to our inground pool. He is completely unaware of danger at this point.
So what is the purpose of motherhood? Is it just to stop disasters from happening?
My purpose as a single woman was based a lot on my work. After I got married that purpose took on a new light - I wanted to be a loving wife and stepmother. Yet I still held onto my identity as a teacher, and saw my purpose as being the best that I could be in that role. After a wonderful pregnancy and delivery, EVERYTHING CHANGED! I was all of a sudden responsible for a helpless little creature. Once my husband and I decided I would not be returning to work, at least for a few years, the change in who I was and what my new purpose was crystallized somehow.
Obviously I need to keep the child alive. That is a daily goal. I say that with tongue and cheek... sort of. It is not my full purpose as a mother, but in some moments it feels like that would be enough of a purpose. Some days, after we have put the now toddler (when did he stop being a baby?!) to bed for the night, I pat myself on the back for another day with no broken bones, another day of mostly-healthy food being eaten, and another day of hugs and kisses being given in excess.
Yet I know, in all seriousness, that my purpose with him is SO MUCH MORE.
I feel this with my stepson as well! My husband and I have been charged with raising men up for our small world. We have been *blessed* with the gift of raising children who will go on to be the adults of our future. I don't just want them to be good at 'adulting' for the sake of social security either. I want them to grow into men who love God, treat the women in their lives with love and respect, and contribute to society in positive and meaningful ways!
Kruger's devotional slowly unfolds the message of where our purpose should come from. She suggests that if we focus our days on giving glory to God and enjoying Him then the joy that can come from that will spill over into other aspects of our lives, namely – motherhood.
So what does that mean in reality? What does it look like?
This morning we were quick to get outside. By 8 AM I had showered and applied make-up (gasp!), Little Man had eaten cheerios, half a container of yogurt and a few spoonfuls of mine, and half a banana. We walked around out in the front and backyard for almost an hour. At one point, after he had started to get a bit tired, he let me carry him. As we walked into the front paddock I couldn't help but get closer to look at the yellow-flowering bushes along the fence. Each branch had intricate yellow flowers, one after another, and they were the kind of flowers that make me wonder – how can nature create something so delicately beautiful? My son looked more closely at them when he saw me peering into their centers, and took the chance to touch them too. Now, toddlers don't spend a lot of time looking at things, and it wasn't long before he was down in the grass and walking around again. In that moment, I really wished I had a camera outside with us. His little frame was walking amidst little white flowers that are now springing up along with the delicate little yellow blossoms that are spilling over the fence, and the sun was just bright enough that it seemed to cast a soft light onto the whole moment.
In that moment, it was so easy to feel God's love and to see His purpose for my life.
In that moment, my heart just felt at peace. I was right where I was supposed to be. I was part of that beauty, and so was my child. Just as God loves His people, so does He want – I think – us to see our world through the eyes of a child. Some moments call for hard work, determination, and difficulty. Other moments are meant for us to see a quiet, always present purpose.
"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child (my emphasis added) will never enter it" (Mark 10:15).
Children as young as my son don't think about the past, or the future. They think about the present. This morning he was so occupied with the flowers, the bugs, and the sticks that he had no time to do anything but walk amongst it all in a rapturous kind of wonder. I think that is what God had in mind for us when He created mankind.
Too bad that we so often mess it up.
What if each of us could, instead, direct our life's purpose towards the rapturous wonder of a child?
I so often cannot do this. I worry about money. I chastise myself for not losing all of the baby weight yet. I complain about teenagers. I ask myself what job I will take back up once my son is school-aged.
Yet, if I can find a way to hold onto the beautiful moments, whether they are with my boy outside and surrounded by delicate, natural beauty, or in the quiet moments I seem to steal during his naps when I can actually read God's Word and devotionals, or write (!), then I will be fulfilling my ultimate purpose.
If I am a woman who reaches out for God and his promises, then I know I will be a better mother.
If I can teach my son to love and respect, through my actions and words, then I will be fulfilling a life's purpose that not only serves him and me, but our society as a whole.
Ultimately, I guess I can go back to the simple statement from the beginning. "After kids everything changes."
Having my son has made me question pretty much everything. I see moments differently. Maybe I needed to have him in order to be in this place in my life. Yet I don't think that a woman has to become a mother to see life's purpose in this way. It has been my path, but it is not for everyone. We all come to sad and beautiful conclusions in life – sometimes in the very same breath. My prayer for myself, and for whoever reads this, is that we can be open and ready to see God's ultimate purpose for our lives.
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Lauren Daigle's song Salt and Light really fits with what I am thinking now:
Oh, the beauty of the King
You make righteous those who seek
You have written and redeemed my story
Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are
For You are salt and light
Oh, the love that set me free
You bring hope to those in need
You have written and redeemed my story
Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are
For You are salt and light
You are love's great height
You are deep and wide
A consuming fire
You are salt and light
You are…
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