Is It Time to Question Your Priorities?

It is interesting to think about our priorities in life.

They let us see things about ourselves that we might not stop to think about on a daily basis.

Our teenager is trying out for the school baseball team, and since he hasn't played on formal teams before this he is feeling the pressure as he compares himself to the other kids trying out who already have their own baseball pants, batting helmets, a plethora of other equipment, and may even play on travel teams. His dad was playing catch with him in the front yard but stopped once the ball hit him on the bridge of his nose – ouch, right? It must have been a flashback moment to the days when the young man in front of him was our toddler’s size and threw his head into his dad's face on a regular basis. If you know what I mean, then you also know the pain that an infant or toddler's head can wreak.

Anyways, when my husband tapped out I jumped in. How bad could his nose really hurt, right? The kid needs help practicing at home if he wants a chance at making the team! I can throw a ball... sort of. I played softball in middle school so I can practice throwing and catching at least. We were doing well. I was throwing out grounders and fly balls so he could practice the skills he'd need in the outfield. So, I was pretty proud of myself (maybe that should have been a warning – pride comes before the fall?). I was half thinking I should go in to get ready for a moms' night out dinner rather than mess around outside when it happened.

I didn't even see it coming. Or maybe I've just blocked it out.

All of a sudden, the ball had hit my right eye so hard I thought it was going to pop out of the socket. Or maybe it had imploded and I would be blinded on that side. Some kind of noise came out of my mouth. I don't know how to describe it – maybe it was a guttural moan. I don't think it was high-pitched. Holy $*#@ did it hurt! I know that the stepson was not being malicious towards me, the evil stepmother, because he was right there as soon as I hit the ground. He must have seen it happening before I did somehow.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?!"

"Go get ice."

That is all I could think of at first. Then I wondered where my glasses were. Had I not been wearing them? Nope – there they were, right beside me. How had they not broken? The next thought was, where is the little guy?! He had been outside with us too, and my fear of him running up to the very busy road outside of our house trumped the pain I was feeling in my right eye. Luckily, he was close to the garage still, pushing a wheelie-garden seat around on the grass. Phew! Then my husband came over.

"What happened?"

"I got hit!"

Imagine the scrunching up of a nose and concerned eyes narrowing as they look at your obviously messed up face.

"Are you still going out?"

"YES! I never get to go out!"

And there it is. There are my priorities. I hadn't been out for a kid-free dinner in months. I had been out with some moms from my MOPS group several months ago, and then several months before that my husband and I went out for our second anniversary dinner while my awesome mother in law was in town. It doesn't happen very often. If my eye was swollen up to twice its size and I looked like a monster I was still going to go!

I realize that younger son is 13 months and that I need to find a babysitter. This would help the frequency of my adult time out, right? While that is still part of the major umbrella of 'priorities' I cannot even get into it right now.

So I came inside, with my snack-sized bag of ice that a very contrite young man had brought out to me, and held it to my throbbing eye as I looked for a specific pair of jeans. It is actually really hard to find stuff when one whole half of one's vision is out of commission.

"Screw the jeans - I can wear a dress!"

I may or may not have said this out loud. I honestly don't remember if I was talking out loud to myself or not. Wearing a dress might seem like a dressier option, but it does not involve coordinating a bottom and a top and that was the simplicity I needed in that moment. Make-up all of a sudden seemed silly. I didn't have time for it - I had spent too long with the aforementioned contrite stepson doing motherly duties!

I have to shake my head a bit at this. When I sat down to write about this moment, I knew I wanted to title it 'priorities.' Initially I thought it was... interesting that I wanted to go out for dinner knowing that my eye was going to make me look a bit like Disney's version of Quasimodo, but now it seems more complicated.

Life gets messy because women's priorities are so multi-layered.

Yes, I wanted to go out with other women, have a kid-free meal, talk about adult topics, eat food I had not prepared or cleaned up after, and have a glass of wine. Yet the whole reason I was rushing to get ready for said evening (that I had been planning on for weeks as long as my husband was not working) was because I also had another priority. I wanted my stepson to have as much practice time for baseball as he could because it seems like he actually wants this, and that wanting of something does not happen very often for him.

I want ME TIME, but I also want US TIME for him – if that makes any sense.

So I held the stupid Ziploc bag of now melting ice on my eye the whole way there. A bunch of the moms had ended up cancelling last minute due to various reasons, but I still got to have a delicious meal, Blue Moon with a wedge of orange, and a sweet dessert with a pretty awesome lady that night. She kept telling me that my eye didn't look that bad, and I appreciated it. I did have moments of regret as I looked at her perfectly curled hair and make-up, knowing that I had not done the same, but it paled in comparison to the wonderful conversation, food, and time that I did not have to spend serving others.

I know, as a Christian, that I am supposed to model my life after Jesus'. I also know that I am not Him. I don't know how to be that self-less person 24/7. I just plain don't want to. Sometimes, I want to be served. Sometimes, I want to be pampered and to be focused on and to be appreciated for skills other than cooking and diapering.

I needed that time out with another woman who understood those needs as well. That was, and is, a priority.

Mothering is my priority every day. And I am so very grateful for that responsibility.

I also know that I have to take time for myself when I can, or I will stop being that grateful mother. I will stop seeing my baby boy's smiles and energy as a blessing. I will stop wanting to spend time with my stepson, whether it is playing catch or doing family Bible study time. Well, I might not want to play catch again anytime soon – it has been three days and my eye is still turning colors I have never seen on my face.

Sidenote: When I came home Wednesday night from my lovely dinner out I asked my husband for his phone. Mine was downstairs, and I wanted to document the damage on Facebook! 'Friends' did not get to see it though because it was just too ugly. Mum and Bosom were the only ones who got pictures via text. One other mama saw me in person for our walk time, but only after I removed the big shades that covered the swollen bruising.

Priority, in its noun form, refers to something that takes precedence over others. So what am I giving preference to? What or who am I putting first?

Maybe this time reflecting on what my priorities are is really happening because I need to think about who I am.
I am not 'me' because of how I look. I wore make-up a couple of weeks ago and my husband didn't even notice. I am 'me' because of the words that bounce around in my head, the words that I take in through reading, and the words that manage to come out of my mouth.

Perhaps this lovely, swollen, red-tinted eye that I am sporting right now had a bigger purpose... that makes me feel better about it, ha. Seriously though, maybe I got hit so that I could really think about my priorities. I need to keep being the best mum that I can be for our 13 month old and our 14 year old. I also need to keep looking for ME TIME! I really need to start making time for romance again with my amazing husband.

Babysitter suggestions? ;)