That is Enough for Now

After putting both boys down for their afternoon nap, I happily opened a mini bottle of pink Moscato and poured it into a glass that I reserve for non-child moments. It was delicious, and the almost eerily quiet house around me made the voice in my head even clearer.

“I wish I had another mini bottle!”

Keep in mind I have only been fetus-free for about five months, and so even one glass of Moscato can be a bit much! Despite that, I wanted more. It tasted good! I was having a mini party with my mini bottle, and I wanted it to keep going! Then, as soon as I sat down to type, my baby started crying upstairs. The oh-so-longed-for ‘double nap’ of him and my toddler was extremely short lived.

It is at times like that where I have to remind myself of a comment my husband recently made – God will give us just enough time for what is really important.

It was just oh so appropriate that on an afternoon when I was going to finally sit down and write about the idea of ENOUGH it was only the crying of a baby that pulled me back from my thoughts of ‘more, more, more!’ This desire for more is not new for me. I drank heavily throughout college, both through my undergraduate and graduate years. Before that, as a high school student, I began a long journey with bulimia – perhaps the epitome of our culture’s confusion with the phrase “That is Enough for Now.”

This idea of enough has recently come up for me in several different facets of my everyday life and interactions with friends.

After giving birth to my second child, who I lovingly referred to as Baby Boy or Meatball, back in January, I have tried to adjust my diet. I am breastfeeding, and he was so fussy in the first couple of months that I thought an elimination diet might help with his discomfort. After doing a cleanse through Arbonne I lost all of the ‘baby weight’, kept up my milk supply, and generally felt more in control with food than I think I ever have. We were spending more on the grocery bill, but I was preparing really healthy food for my family. Cutting out gluten, dairy, and sugar was hard – especially when not all of the people in my house were doing the same. My Arbonne coach, a good friend, posed the question, “Why are you doing it?” Initially I was doing it to see if something I was eating was affecting Baby Boy through the breastmilk, but it quickly turned into a desire to lose weight. I was re-learning how to stop myself with food and say, “that’s enough for now.”

Unfortunately, I fell off the self-control bandwagon after going to an absolutely delicious tea with friends at Reynold’s Tavern. I loaded up on gluten, dairy, and oh-so-much sugar. I paid for it on the ride home; my body had not digested stuff like that for a month and I thought I was going to throw up. After that it was like a spell had been broken. Yes, I had good food days, but I had bad ones too. I am an emotional eater, so if I am stressed with the boys or lonely when my husband is away from home I turn to food – not exactly what God has in mind for me.

Do other moms use their kids’ nap times to just eat? Sometimes I feel as if I cannot really breathe in and out until both of them are either napping or asleep, and my way of calming myself down has started to involve stuffing my face. I know that this is not a healthy use of food, but in the moment it is really hard to stop. No doubt my Arbonne coach would lovingly encourage me here with Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through him who gives me strength.” I need to ask for that strength to avoid emotional eating because I do not think that I can do it of my own volition.

Several weeks ago, I was working through a study by Beth Moore – Living Beyond Yourself, with some other moms. It is all about the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and the section that really hit home for me was the one on self-control. I have never considered how self-control fits into my relationship with God, Christ, or the Holy Spirit.

Moore brings up a man named Felix in Acts 24. When he did not want to hear what Paul was saying about self-control, among other things, he said, “That’s enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you” (Acts 24:25). Apparently, Felix was a man known for lust, pride, greed, and selfish ambition. He used the word ‘enough’ to stop a conversation about living with self-control, but I feel led to use it in a way that fosters it. What if I could hear the word ‘enough’ in the ongoing conversation with myself – the unique and yet somehow universal one that all women have – and use it to create a moment to just stop and breathe in peace rather than a moment of gluttonous hunger?

I later felt convicted when I read just where the Holy Spirit dwells.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

Binging on cereal or bread or any other food I could glean from the pantry was not what God had in mind when he created me. I learned about the word ‘satiated’ back in counseling as a high schooler, but its meaning has been lost in my struggle to satisfy myself with something that would never truly fill me up.

I recently finished a devotional plan on YouVersion called “Food is Not the Enemy: Overcoming Food Struggles.” Among other insights it talked about the amazing variety of foods that God created for us to eat. He did not create us as creatures to be sustained by tasteless sustenance, but by colorful, sweet, and fragrant nourishment. Adam and Eve may have invited sin into the world when they ate that apple, but it was their choice, not the actual fruit, that was the mistake.

I want to start seeing my body as a temple for the Holy Spirit rather than a trough that I shove food into in some desperate attempt to feel filled up. I want to start seeing my body as a gift from God rather than something I need to scrutinize with guilt or shame because of my lack of self-control with food. I know this is not something that I alone struggle with. A wonderful mama friend shared an article by Kara Lawler a few weeks back. It is bathing suit season, and many people struggle with body image issues. Yet I  do not want how I look in a bathing suit to be the sole reason for seeking a different relationship with food.

What if I could seek a higher reason for self-control, much like Daniel did while in the service of a King? This was another part of the Beth Moore study that led me to question my self-control and ability to say, “That is enough for now.” God blessed Daniel when he chose to use food as a way to honor Him. Check out the book of Daniel in the Old Testament if you do not know what I am referring to!

Ironically, when it was time for our church home group to choose a new Bible study, our group’s leader suggested The Daniel Plan. Yeah… it is in moments like that where I feel as though God has lined up just what I needed to see and hear. Thanks to the theme of that study, my church family and I were able to practice yoga together under the beautiful blue skies, with the tree branches rustling above us, and the beautiful sounds of nature only being broken by an occasional ‘cock-a-doodle-doo’ and the plip-plop of rain. No joke – we have an incredibly handsome, but mean, rooster out back. Our instructor shared some of her own thoughts on why yoga is so powerful. She talked about honoring our bodies on the mat just as we could in daily life – after all, our bodies need to be kept healthy so that we can better serve one another.

I chose the name of ‘Blessed Mum’ for this blog because I wanted to share my journey of motherhood. It is an ever-changing and enriching experience, but I need to be the best version of myself if I am to be the best mother that I can be. Making food fun, and presenting it in a colorful way, has become a daily thing with Little Man… not sure why it is not the same when I prepare it for myself. Maybe it all boils down to the fact of time and being torn between all of the daily tasks that come with being a stay-at-home parent.

Food and mini-bottles of wine are not the real issue here though. I want to question where I go to for more for my own sanity, but also because I want to model for my sons just where they should seek more in their search for fulfillment too.

More does not have to be a bad thing.

More laughter from my quickly growing Baby Boy….

More patient responses with my toddler, Little Man….

More real, and sometimes hard, conversations with The Teenager….

More kitchen kisses with my hard-working husband….

More sunshine walks along the boardwalk with friends….

More time made for quiet reflection….

These all outweigh more ice cream or cereal on the couch while I mindlessly watch Netflix, don’t you think?

There will only be enough room for the Holy Spirit to fill me with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control if I can say “that is enough for now” to the things of this world that will never be able to truly fill me up.

I need to remember that