Flow

Way back in March I mentioned that I would be driving over to DE to visit a girlfriend – sans child – to a fellow MOPS mom, and she asked if I had any audio books for the driving time.  Thanks to this time alone in the car for about four hours, I had a chance to get several chapters of Jennifer Senior's "All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood" in rather than listen to our usual car-fare, Music Together's Maracas collection!

Sidenote: any woman who shares a book with me is a good woman, and I was blessed to have two such instances in March!

My mind was a bit blown by all of the points that Senior brings up in her very interesting book. One of the ideas that she focuses on is the idea of flow.

So the word itself kind of explains what it is. What I am doing right now, writing, and trying to get out ideas, is an attempt at flow. Think of an artist, be it a musician, painter, or maybe even a dancer. Art is just one of the fields of study that requires an extended amount of time devoted to developing a product. I suppose science related fields would also require flow in order for the breakthroughs that have been made in medicine and natural discoveries. Working with animals, especially those that are competitively shown, would also require flow. My husband is a talented woodworker, and while I sometimes resent the hours he spends down in his wood shop, I realize that his craft also needs uninterrupted time for the art that he can create. We, as people, benefit extensively from sustained time devoted to one task. I do not have scientific data to explain it, but I think that it gives our brains a chance to...settle in and breathe. That probably does not make complete sense, but I do not know how else to describe it.

I have not written anything in a while, and honestly that is not due to a lack of ideas. I have had a few days where I had beautiful moments that I wanted to write about, but it just did not happen. I originally started writing this at the end of March, but sometimes parenting a toddler limits my chance for real flow, as many can understand.

Several months ago I was having a notably hard time with step-parenting. It was not even particularly due to what my stepson was doing so much as how I was reacting to it. I was going through a devotional plan that my girlfriend had chosen, watching the trees bend and sway under some really strong winds just outside our kitchen window, and I started crying when I read a verse about God's version (not ours) of love. I was so excited to write about it, and then I had a computer melt-down moment that involved calling someone (my Bosom friend) just to figure out how to turn my touchpad back on.

Fast-forward to yesterday, and I was reading through Melissa Kruger's "Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood" when I started to tear up again. So what did I do? Did I jump into a blank Word document to try and share the beauty of what I was reading and thinking? Well, no. No I did not. Instead, I checked my email and then decided I needed to delete old, unnecessary emails, and then organize others into a new folder.

There are, I swear, many moments that flow is blown for me because of my 17 month old. When he is napping I need to fiercely guard my time so that I can do the quiet-time activities that simply cannot be done when he is awake. He is not the only reason for distraction though. Facebook and email, both of which are completely in my control to use in a healthy way or just plain avoid, are also sabotaging my time both for my own pursuits as well as my quiet time for prayer and reading.

This is not a mama problem, it seems, but a first-world, 21st century problem. I can't even blame this on ADHD – I don't have it. We, men and women, are distracted by the things that our world tells us are important. They are often not; think about checking junk email, buying unnecessary things on Amazon, or even getting sucked into Netflix (I am guilty of this...I just watched about seven episodes of Reign over the past few days).

The concept of flow that Senior brings up in her book has taken on a new facet for me over the past day or so though. How does flow and our frequency of achieving it affect who we are as people, and maybe more specifically parents?

At church on Sunday, our pastor talked about the importance of keeping the Sabbath, of resting, both because it is what God has in mind for us but also because He knows it would be what people from the beginning all the way up until today need. See, I don't think that flow is just about being busy – if it was then all Americans (and Canadians, eh!) would achieve flow on a daily basis. No. Flow is about time spent in thoughtful activity. The way my brain works while I am reading the Bible or a really thoughtful devotional could be akin to the way my brain works when I am trying to write a piece. I am thinking about concepts on multiple levels, thinking about how others might interpret the words, and thinking about the value I can bring with it. I felt this same focused, almost excited centering as an undergrad and graduate student while reading theory. This, I believe, is the flow that Senior's book brings up, and it is an intangible blessing that many parents (and non-parents, for that matter) cannot seem to grasp.

Our world has become such a very busy place that we may go months without the quiet, wonderful moments that foster the flow that is needed to create something beautiful, be it with words, paint, wood, fabric, or even our bodies.

So how does this lack of flow affect who we are as people?

I took the crazy toddler to a play date today with a mama group that I am in, and amidst making sure my child would not fall off the top of the park slide set or kick another child in the face, I had some time to talk to other mothers. A lot of it was casual chit chat, especially with the ladies I was just meeting today, but there were small glimmers of something deeper too. I think that when it has been a long time since I have had flow, it affects the way I interact with others. If I have not had time to focus on beauty and quiet thoughtfulness, I cannot relate to people in a meaningful way. It's like my brain gets stuck in the rush-rush of stupid, surface details, and forgets how to connect or talk about the inner workings of who we are as people. I cannot be the only one who feels this way.

I think our hurried lives are leading us away from being the good people that we could be. If we do not have time to think or create something that enriches the world around us, then we also do not have time to think about ideas that really matter. I wonder how this affects our way of parenting as well....

I would argue that our souls need time to rest just as our bodies do. I do not see how flow can even be a possibility if we do not have time to think, breathe deeply, and give ourselves a bit of grace. This can be really hard, I know, but so often the important things in life are hard to come by.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

Jesus wanted us to rest. I can't base it on scripture right now, but I think He would really like us to have moments of flow too.